For a society that struggles to define what a woman is, we sure do have a lot of opinions about femininity and the role of women in this world. We question a woman’s desire for a large family a lot for a society that claims women have the right to choose. And we sure do bash a lot of women, despite being products of the #MeToo movement, body positivity movement, and feminism. 

And maybe I’m not talking about you, specifically. So don’t take this personally. 

I’m merely referring to society as a whole. For example, individuals who would trip over themselves and kick a baby just to defend the body positivity movement are really quick to hop online (protected by a screen, of course) and tell a fit and athletic woman that she looks masculine and isn’t feminine enough. And the major organizations that are all too quick to fire someone who makes a slightly insensitive comment online twelve years ago, are happy to publish, for the world to see, a disingenuous article mocking a woman and her family.

Honestly, the gall of us as a society. Truly we are fallen beings. 

The two instances I’m speaking of are alluded to in the title of this article: Ilona Maher, a U.S. Rugby player currently competing in the Olympics, and the Sunday Times article about Hannah Neeleman of Ballerina Farm.

Ilona Maher

Over the past few weeks, leading up to and during the Paris Olympics, Ilona Maher has captured the attention of 1.7 million Instagram followers. While some of that number are no doubt her incredibly supportive family and friends, the majority are outside spectators like myself—and, of course, a few trolls. As Ilona has graciously allowed us all a glance into her daily Olympic athlete routine, her own jokes and fun mess-arounds with her teammates, her days out and about in Paris, and some of her sports highlights we have gotten a solid glance at a very athletic and well-rounded, all-American woman. 

Rugby, as a sport, has always eluded me. The rules seem to be ever changing and the roughness of the sport often leaves its competitors bloodied. It’s a bit merciless. So it’s no surprise at all when you hop onto Ilona’s page and see a 5’ 10”, 200lb (her words and exact measurements, not my guess) woman. She is tall, she is tough, she’s muscular, and she is “probably wearing lipstick” as her Instagram bio says. 

In her videos, Ilona, time and time again, seems to not only display her feminine side but combat nasty comments about her broad shoulders and what some have rudely called “masculine” jawline. Ilona has handled these attacks on her appearance with grace, aplomb, and humor, making it clear that she has fought that good fight, overcome her insecurities, and is more than happy with the body she’s been given and shaped over the course of her 27 years of life.

 

“Dear girl with the big shoulders,

You are not undesirable

You are not built like a linebacker.

You are not manly.

You are not unattractive.

You are beautiful.

You are imposing.

You are powerful.

You are magnificent.

Put your shoulders back, wear your head high, and walk into any room like you own the place.

Love,

Ilona”

 

We’ve fallen victim of too many societal lies to comprehend Ilona’s femininity. We’ve swallowed the lie that women are made meek and quiet and small by the “burden” of male-determined femininity, instead of the truth which says that we are made bold, honest, true, filled with grace and character, and empowered by the strengths of our natural femininity. We were never told that femininity has a slightly different brand for each woman.

Hannah of Ballerina Farm

It is truly amazing how cruel and disingenuous “journalists” can be. I’m not saying Megan Agnew of The Sunday Times is completely lying; she’s reporting the evidence of her eyes. I’m just saying the filter of her eyes is a little dirtied and she can’t see past it. 

Instead of seeing the fullness of a crowded home, Agnew only sees the inconvenience of not having a moment of quiet and alone time with Hannah—never thinking that Hannah is maybe more comfortable and happy surrounded by her children. Agnew projects her discomfort and annoyance onto Hannah.

Instead of seeing Daniel’s answers to questions directed at Hannah as part of a team effort—after all, husbands and wives should, and often do, hold the same beliefs—Agnew sees it as Daniel trampling all over Hannah, never letting her speak for herself, even if her ideas are her husband’s ideas and vice versa.

To Agnew, the lifestyle Daniel and Hannah have chosen is not ideal, so she writes about the couple—and specifically Hannah—as if they were forced into it and it’s not their ideal either. 

And though Hannah herself, and Daniel as well, admits that this homesteading, farming life with 8-and-counting children was not always what they envisioned for their lives, I think we’d be hard-pressed to find someone who knew exactly how their life was going to go at the age of twenty (about the age Hannah was when she met Daniel). 

Agnew seems to struggle to conceptualize how they could possibly be happy in this current lifestyle when they lived such different lives before. She doesn’t seem to understand any of the benefits and only focuses on the negatives she’s invented based on her own bias. 

“You can’t lean into what people are saying or the titles people are putting on you. You just have to live your life and shut that out, because if not it will overtake you.” – Hannah Neeleman, sourced from The Sunday Times interview.

Hannah and Daniel find joy in their difficult lives. They work hard at both their farm and business, as well as their roles as wife and husband, mother and father. And sure, some of their daily lives put on social media are a bit contrived—posted for the sake of merely being content or to sell some of their products—but I don’t think they ever claimed to be anything in particular; they were just showing us their lives and leaning into their God-given roles of man and woman.

But that’s not enough for some.

In today’s world, you’re only a real woman if you take the easy way out. You’re only empowered when everything you do centers around yourself. You’re not free if you have a baby and then do a beauty pageant two weeks later. 

Femininity

Women are sold this lie over and over again, told that their choices are never good enough; marriage and children are traps; femininity is only ever one thing. Perhaps the most ironic lie: women are kept in boxes by men. In reality, women put women in boxes and then mock them when they don’t stay inside those boxes. 

Femininity is beauty. It is grace, beauty, strength of character, confidence, refinement, gentleness, kindness, tact, selflessness, and joy. These things look a little different woman to woman—each with their own sense of humor, desires, and approach—but every single time, embracing femininity will always produce beautiful women who exude class, charm, and poise. Something that some people just can’t touch.