I walked into the house, grocery bags in both hands. My voice was clearly exasperated as I verbally and emphatically reminded myself, “I will be patient and firm. I will be patient and firm. I will be patient and firm.”

My poor husband – who had not been with me on my adventures of the morning – looked up in alarm.  “What did I do?”

“No, not you,” I reassured him, with a little laugh. “It’s the toddler. She’s been pushing all my buttons this morning.”

And she had been. We had a morning full of meltdowns, confrontational defiance, passive aggressive behavior, willful slowness, irrational distractibility, excessive destructive energy, and the apparent urge to roam the aisles of the grocery store. It felt like every minute of that day had been a fight – despite the fact that my rules and guidelines and requests were all for her benefit.

I mean…must you fight me when my sole purpose has been to feed you a delicious and nutritious breakfast, teach you a new fun game, dress you in nice comfortable clothes, take you with me on an exciting adventure, and keep you safe from kidnappers, speeding cars, and cranium-threatening falls? Really?

By the time we got home from the store, I was no longer feeling like a loving mom. I felt more like an angry, frustrated, defensive, exasperated, hurt woman.

But I AM a loving mom.

I don’t want to turn into that other character.

Which is why I was adamantly reminding myself that I am PATIENT and FIRM.

Mommy is Patient

Why does this matter? Because patience keeps me from getting frustrated or taking things personally.  I KNOW that my child is only 2 years old. I know that she will grow past this phase, and that we will both make it through safely. And I WANT to be a patient mommy.

I want to see my child overreacting to something – but to not be sucked into her storm. I want to be the calm voice that provides her with an anchor as she finds her way back to rational thought.

I want to see my child lashing out – and to know that her strike (physical or verbal) was not aimed at me. I want to be able to see clearly so I can discern the root cause of her behavior and help her address it.

And if people see me running after my child for the 12^th time, I want them to see me confident and kind as I swoop her back into the safety of my arms. I don’t want to look like a frazzled woman who wishes her toddler had an “off” switch.

I want to be able to rise to each occasion that my toddler throws at me with all the grace and energy that I had for the first occasion.

I want to be patient.

Mommy is Firm

Why does this matter? Because I am training my child in the way she should go. And when I’m exasperated, I sometimes want to either overreact (becoming “harsh” rather than “firm”) or I just want to give up and let her have her way because I’m tired of the fight. But neither reaction has good long-term results.

I remember one day when my toddler had been full of demands and contradictions, and I made the observation that she was a terrible boss.

I mean, think about it. If you’ve worked as an employee anywhere, you’ve probably had good bosses and bad bosses.  My best bosses were clear with their instructions, consistent with their expectations, and dependable in their follow-ups. And my toddler was the exact opposite of all three of those qualities.

But you know what?

Toddlers aren’t supposed to be the bosses in a family dynamic. That’s the parents’ job. We are the ones who are supposed to be clear, consistent, dependable, and able to move our days towards success. A toddler can’t do that. Not yet.

So I have to keep my goal in mind, despite the tantrums, and be firm and consistent with my boundaries that I set for my toddler. Otherwise, she’ll commandeer the ship and we’ll dive bow-first into Shipwreck Reef.

Resolution

So I repeated my catchphrase a few more times: Mommy is patient and firm, Mommy is patient and firm, Mommy is patient and firm.

Then I went back outside and released the toddler from the car seat.

Something about those 2 words (patient, firm) helped recenter me.

And, believe it or not, my toddler positively responded to me after a couple more pushes. Just like I respond well to a firm and patient boss, she does, too. And by the end of the afternoon, I could confidently say that we were steering the ship steadily towards our destination under my command.

Mommy just had to be patient and firm!