A Limping Faith
Taylor Welch |
This year has been rough; when I say rough it is more like a dumpster caught on fire rolling through a field of cacti. It wasn’t just this year either; it was the accumulation of the years leading up to this year, and the pain and darkness that finally hit a breaking point; the soul crushing, life altering, point where all the trauma, pain and heartbreak met. And it’s not only me, but those around me, and sometimes the conversations we have just stick in my head.
“I am just hopeless; I just don’t think I have any more faith, and I keep asking God why?”
I wish I could have answered better and more confidently, but honestly, being completely exhausted from the fight, I just responded “We aren’t promised it is going to be easy, Jesus never promised us that and I don’t know why some people struggle and it looks like others just kind of have it easy.” As I thought about that interaction later this is what I would have said if I had really thought about it and external things—like our actual jobs hadn’t been pulling our attention away.
Hopelessness & Faith
For those of us losing faith or hope this is for you and me. Sometimes you must preach the Word to yourself. When we don’t know what to do or where to go, look right to the source. There are so many people in the Bible whose faith was less than honorary. Some of these people walked with Jesus, but some of them were looking forward to a Messiah—a promise not yet to come. These are the stories, the people that I am so desperately holding close to my heart right now, but more than that, I know Jesus is holding me close to His heart.
Our faith doesn’t ultimately hinge on us. Our faith is ours through Jesus—praise Him for that. Throughout the book of Romans, Paul is consistently telling his readers that it is not them, it is Jesus. Without Jesus giving us, the faith, and the eyes to see Him, we would be walking blind and faithless for the rest of our days. I wish I could have talked to my friend who said the above about this right then. I wish I could have told her that it is not because Jesus gives us good things that we have faith. We have faith because, ultimately, He is good, even if our life doesn’t look the way we hoped. Our assurance doesn’t come from the “good” we want to have in our lifetime but knowing that we will be with the King of Kings for all of eternity.
I wish I could have told her that hopelessness doesn’t have to have the last word, that people we look to as the founders of our faith were hopeless and doubtful at times; but that never changed the character of God. He doesn’t see our hopelessness and doubt and start to worry about what we think of Him. The heroes of the faith in the Bible were always invited to bring their unbelief right to Jesus.
Wrestling with God
One of my favorite passages in the entire Bible comes from Genesis chapter twenty-two. Jacob wrestled with God; I love this passage for so many reasons. I believe that it shows what audacious faith looks like. That you can wrestle with God, you can wrestle with your faith, ask the hard questions and struggle with not getting the answer. I also believe it is a call to bold prayer. Jacob didn’t come whispering “bless me” he was literally wrestling! I don’t believe he was fighting the Lord out of a prideful heart, but one who had faith enough to know what God could do, and he wanted to be a part of it. Also, I love that God left him with a limp.
Have you ever had Jesus sock your life so hard that it left you limping? Or maybe just your life was completely upended, and you were left limping? This is the thing; I actually walk with a limp. It is tiring, you are sore most of your life and you are never on even ground. This is what our lives can look like through seasons that feel like they are never going to end. What a limp also does is it makes you reliant, sometimes you have to lay down your pride and ask for help. I believe God gave Jacob the limp not only to put him in his place, but to make him completely reliant on Jesus only.
A Limping Faith
Our faith may limp, but the limp makes us reliant. Reliance, when used correctly, can make you stronger and more prepared for the road ahead. You have to lean in and weigh down on Jesus like you never have had to before. When you have a limp you can’t move as fast either, so even if you aren’t chasing after Jesus, He is going to chase after you. I love that the Bible mentions that Jacob was left with the limp and that he never recovered fully from wrestling with the Lord. That his life was now an everyday reminder of his deep need of a Savior.
This last year may have broken you like it did me. I have wrestled with God over and over and over. In fact, I am still in the fight, but I still believe that Jesus is exactly who He says He is. I am still fighting for healing and wholeness. Fighting for joy seems a bit exhausting to me at the moment, but I am going to try.
Our faith should never be dependent on our situation, if it is, it is not faith at all. Our faith is dependent on Jesus, who didn’t promise us an easy life. But He did promise us that He would give us life, and life in the fullest through Him. (John 10:10)
Limp on my friends, be strengthened in the Word and in His healing hands so that one day Jesus can say to you “Go, for your faith has made you well.” (Mark 5:34)
